Curiosity – David Koestler

How to Find Good in the Mediocre

This is an image illustrating the several copies I went through to get to my final poster that I had to present in the MindCORE symposium

It was December of 2022, and I had to start thinking about applying for internships. I had gained lots of clinical experience from my volunteer work as an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) throughout the years and knew I wanted to enter a profession where I was actively helping people (specifically kids) and working in the mental health field. However, I found very minimal clinical experiences in my online internship research due to patient confidentiality. Luckily, my doctor was kind enough to put me in contact with a neuropsychologist who soon offered me a position over the summer to shadow her, testing kids, and doing research. I was very excited about this opportunity but was waiting to hear back from a few other internships that I applied for.

It was around March of 2023 when I heard back from my final internship. I got into the MindCORE program at the University of Pennsylvania! Out of hundreds of applicants, 20 people (half of whom were Penn students), including myself, got into this program. I think my EMT experience and vulnerability in my cover letter assisted my odds of getting into this program. I was a bit skeptical, however, of confirming my position at UPenn because I had never done research, nor did I know if I would find it interesting. After a lot of consideration, I ended up choosing the UPenn internship as I thought it would give me insight into my level of interest in research. I learned a lot from my summer experience, including more about PsyD and Ph.D. programs and whether I want to continue doing research in the future. Throughout the program, I built long-lasting relationships with my mentors that I will never forget. I am glad I took this opportunity because it allowed me to explore my potential interest in research, which will help me navigate my future career path.

Zero Expectations, Infinite Possibilities: A New Mindset

This image are my notes of the valuable takeaways I grabbed from the self-help book.

I am not a big reader, yet I started this self-help book called Braving the Wilderness, which speaks about independence and accepting individual time. This book specifically speaks about living a better life with true belonging and dealing with pain. Throughout my life, I have struggled to find belonging, especially in school. I never did sports, but I participated in theater. However, while I had some sense of community in theater, I never found my true friends. As I entered college, I thought it would be a fresh beginning to a great four years. Part of this statement is true as I found my best friend, but I continue to bug myself for not having a friend group. I thought that having a friend group would make me feel more comfortable when I went to parties. I have these large expectations that blur my positive moments and make it difficult for me to enjoy life in college. Thus, living a life of happiness does not come easy.

When I started this book, the key themes that struck me were that I need to have zero expectations and be curious and neutral. While everyone wants true belonging, we need to accept ourselves before we find ourselves in friend groups. Not everyone has the same behavior or perspectives as me, and thus, I cannot hold expectations that people will react the way I want them. Additionally, I need to keep a curious and neutral mindset to meet people. Regardless of whether I become friends with them or not, I can’t let people drag me down. I thought this mindset seemed ridiculous and difficult to follow because I am an emotional person. Yet, the book recognizes that braving the wilderness is learning how to trust ourselves. This trust will allow me to grow as a person confidently! I think trusting myself and following the mindsets written in the book will allow me not to become stuck on problems that come into my life, but rather grow and expand these bumps in my journey as reflective experiences that will inform my future life. Overall, I continue to grow as an individual and learn better life management skills to embrace the wilderness.

Mindfulness

This image is a set of goals for living a healthy lifestyle including having daily spiritual practice, going to the gym, meditation, getting out in nature, giving back to my community, and having a healthy sleep cycle.

Previous Thoughts of Mindfulness

I never thought I would spend time doing mindfulness during my day. I always thought mindfulness was a joke and a waste of time. I thought that the concept of mindfulness was silly; however, I recently engaged in mindful practices and even enrolled in a mindfulness course at Wesleyan University. This change in mindset was largely due to the fact that I have been struggling with chronic pain in my neck and back. While I have cycled through several different treatment options, they have not been helpful. I attended several seminars to help inform me of different treatment methods, and I came across mindfulness/meditation.

Transformative Thoughts of Mindfulness

I decided I would finally give it a try because I had become so stuck and run by pain in my life that I needed to change courses. So, I began waking up at around 5:00 am and listening to a guided meditation I found on YouTube. Some days, I would listen to a meditation on love and kindness; other days, I would listen to a guided meditation on being present. I realized that during the practice, my pain sometimes persisted, but after meditation was done, I felt pain relief that lasted a few hours. I also found that putting this time in my calendar actively got me to participate in this practice and lifestyle. Without making time for this practice, I found myself going on my phone and making excuses as to why I would avoid meditation. When I did make time for practice, I truly disengaged from the technological world and was able to appreciate my body and those around me further because I was grounded and more connected to the present.

Recent Thoughts of Mindfulness

As I began my mindfulness class in the Fall of 2023, I learned different methods of mindfulness and soon joined a club that did yoga every Tuesday. I found yoga to have a similar effect as meditation did. However, I found that I was challenged more in yoga than meditation, where I was still. This challenge was a blessing and a curse. During yoga, sometimes my pain would increase; however, I found the same effect as meditation, with my pain subsiding after the practice. The mindfulness class taught me that while I didn’t always enjoy yoga, I was being mindful by recognizing my comfort and physical sensations. Later in the course, I began journaling my thoughts and my days. I found that recognizing these thoughts gave me comfort because rather than ignoring my pain, I was able to transfer my emotional discomfort into positivity. I won’t say that journaling, yoga, meditation, and mindfulness completely diminish my pain, but these practices help me become more aware of myself and help me engage in healthy practices that will help me develop a great lifestyle. For example, rather than walking across campus listening to music, I walk without music and notice my surroundings (e.g., people, nature, and noises) and connect more to the present world.